Editor's Note: When I decided to start The TRUE Women, naturally I got the people closest to me to contribute. Many did, but I never expect them to share something so personal and yet they did for the benefit of many and I am really blessed to have these strong, inspiring people in my life. The story today is by my own sister, who talked about pregnancy, miscarriage, losing her son after birth...and still making the most of her life.
I would have written the story differently if this was 7 years ago but this is my story today.
My husband and I are both highly educated and successful in our careers back in London. When we decided to come home to Malaysia to start a family, I silently made a vow to myself to slow down in the corporate world and look forward to have as many kids as possible. You see, even though people might see me as a career woman, I'm quite traditional at heart!
My eldest was born 1 year after my return to Malaysia. My second miracle happened sooner than I expected but Allah has a better plan for my baby. I said hello to my son and had to say good bye 30 minutes later. My son passed away peacefully in my arms. I can still smell and feel him until today, my precious Yusof...
My tests did not stop there. I conceived again 6 months later but I lost the pregnancy at 12 weeks. I conceived again 8 months after the miscarriage, and I lost the pregnancy at 11 weeks. According to my doctor, I am physically fit but not emotionally. Deep in my heart, I know she is right...
It has been 2 years since I lost Yusof and I still get the questions, when are you going to give your son a sibling? Trust me I have tried and I have tried too hard that I have decided to stop for now. For the sake of my sanity and the people I love, I have to 'refrain' myself from conceiving within the next few years. And if I don't ever get the courage to fall pregnant again, I’ve learned to realize it is okay. My husband and I are beyond happy with just one child to love and spoil. Or perhaps, I can always adopt one if I never get over my fear of pregnancy :)
I may not be blessed with many children of my own, but I am beyond grateful for having sisters who have been giving me many 'children' to love like my own. Rezeki (our fortune) comes in many forms - Yusof was my rezeki for the life after, my career has been rewarding and I am about to embark a new journey as an MBA cohort at one of the prestigious business school soon.
It has not been easy to get to where I am today. I look forward to sharing the tears and joy of being a wife, mother, daughter, sister, auntie while studying.
Al-Fatihah to my son, you are forever in my prayers.