I wrote this a while back on my old blog, when I started donning the hijab. I am re-sharing it here because it was a much needed reminder for myself on my journey and purpose in life and also in blogging as well :)
"It feels like you've changed so much,"
It was a genuine and honest remark from a friend, expressing what she felt towards my new look. I smiled and told her that I'm still the same, but somehow - her words echoed in my head even long after the conversation took place.
I wonder if I have truly changed.
Physically, of course I've changed. But then again Allah knows, how many physical changes I've gone through in my lifetime. I started coloring my hair before I even reached puberty, and had my first hold of colored contact lenses as early as high school. I chopped my hair and walked like a boy in high school, acknowledged my feminine side and permed my hair in college, lost half of my weight soon after and experienced many, many questionable fashion days. When Titts visited me for the first time in Melbourne, her jaw dropped to the floor when she realized the colorful clown who came to pick her up was her very own best friend. Hehe.
I've been through numerous changes, more so than I could ever recall. But those changes remain merely physical in nature, and underneath them is still the same girl who laughs a little too much and talks till the cow comes home :) But to say that I am still completely the same after donning the hijab is somewhat hypocritical, when I personally know I don the hijab to change.
It is my hope and my du'a that donning the hijab would bring about many more changes. It is not the ultimate end, but the beginning for more positive changes.
That the scarf that covers my hair will also cover my heart from harm and my morale from wrongdoings. More than anything I pray that it will remind me to embrace Islam as a whole at all times because we all know it is all too easy to loose grasp on what truly matters in the eyes of Allah.
Sometimes I think to myself, how could I spent most of my lifetime pleasing people without pleasing The only One whose judgement truly matters? I've achieved so many worldly success, it doesn't make sense if I do not make significant attempts to achieve success in the hereafter too.
I suppose life is not just a balance between work, family and friends. Ultimately, life is a strike of balance between the world and the hereafter, between dunya and akhirat. A truly exemplary soul is one who is able to strike this balance and Allah knows I am far from being one, but at least I could start trying :)
And it is with this in mind that I hope my blog will continuously remind myself to reach this balance.