Give Me a Pause Button Please

Musa is 21 months old today and it’s surreal to think that just last year, Musa was a baby just like Umar. I mean, this time last year he was wearing onesies like Umar and today he is in jeans and shirt, and soon, seeing him in school uniform is gonna rip my heart apart 💔

I was trying to put Musa to sleep today, and usually he would fall asleep by himself as I pretend to sleep next to him.

But not today. Boy oh boyy, today was a whole different ballgame altogether.

Musa, let’s go to sleep!” I said, and laid him on the bed next to me. As I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, he sat upright and hid under the comforter.

Cak Aaa ibu!” he said as he lifted the comforter over his face, revealing himself to his supposedly-sleeping-mom.

Okkkayyyy, that was cute and almostttt made me smile, I thought. I could already imagine his hugeee grin as he did that but I'm pretending to sleep here so I kept a cool front and chose not to respond.

After multiple Cak-Aaas and realizing he’s not getting a response from me, he stopped trying and lay back next to me.

Ahh…he got the message! I thought to myself, proud that I didnt cave in – eyes still closed all.

Suddenly I felt his little fingers tracing my face.

Uhoh…this only goes one way.

And true to my suspicion, Musa started poking my nostrils and my eyes with his little fingers. It reaaaalllyyy annoys me whenever he does that and today was no exception.

Ouch Musa, that was painful…stop it please” I said as I pulled his fingers away from my face – eyes still closed.

Tak nakkk”he wailed and started crying.

And here I thought I was the hurting one -____-

As his crying grew louder, I gave up on my Oscar award, opened my eyes and comforted him. Seeing him a little calm, I tried my chance yet again.

Good night Musa” I said even though its 12 noon outside and the sun is shining bright 😂

He was not asleep of course.

Horse?” he asked me.

I looked at him confused. “Where?” I replied

Horse!” he said again with a big smile. The next thing I know he climbed and rocked himself on me, calling this woman who gave birth to him “Horse” over and over again


This peek-a-boo, poking and horse game/business went on for 45 minutes and I was about to give up on putting him to sleep.

Clearly not falling aslee anytime soon... 

Clearly not falling aslee anytime soon... 

Okay fine Musa, if you don’t want to sleep, what do you want?” I asked my son who, at this point, was jumping up and down like a monkey on the bed.

Seriously, what did you have for breakfast little man....5 packs of ice cream???

Musa stopped jumping and looked at me. To my surprise, he crawled over and positioned himself on my lap, and immediately my heart melted when I realised what he was doing.

He wanted me to cradle him on my lap as how I would nurse Umar to sleep, guysss!

Believe it or not, I haven’t hold him in this position for a longggg time, because he naturally stopped nursing when I got pregnant with Umar. It was so overwhelming when I realized how much he has grown. He is so, so much bigger and heavier now. His legs sprawled over and he was clearly too big to be in this position. And yet, there he was looking most content on my lap and in five minutes, his eyes closed as I rocked him to sleep.


The room felt so much quieter and suddenly I felt a lump on my throat as I watched him sleep. This time last year, I would hold him in this position and nurse him to sleep just as I did Umar and yet today he has clearly overgrown this position. For a few minutes I just sat there and enjoyed my moment rocking Musa to sleep, reminiscing the days when I would nurse my little boy to sleep.


It was the most peaceful, content five minutes of my life just watching him sleep, recalling how he crawled over to my lap minutes ago. I guess some moms would agree with me when I say that one of the most treasured memories of a mother is seeing your kid wanting and needing you over the smallest thing, like you're the most important thing in their life...because you really are.

Today he may have overgrown my lap, but at least he still wants to lie there and be cuddled to sleep. Someday he will no longer want this and that would be the day I'll be on MC, hide myself in the toilet and cry myself to sleep.

Seriously why do kids grow up so fast??! Somebody give me a Pause button for Life, please!